Monday, March 8, 2010

How Does It Happen??? My thoughts on DIVORCE

Tuesday, December 22, 2009



It starts with complacency. You stop trying to make a good impression, stop trying to make them happy. You let pride sink in and start to feel a sense of entitlement, thinking you deserve more or are better than what they've given you. You think selfishly rather than selflessly, and suddenly you realize that injustices against yourself are all around you. You become appalled at how terribly they treat you, and use that sense of shock to justify your own inaction (or your cruel words and actions). You mull over the bad times rather than the good, and rather than building bridges of hope, you build thick, impenetrable walls around your heart. You refuse to let that person in, and instead look elsewhere for the affection you crave. You've convinced yourself that you deserve better, so now you put that line of thinking into action and start looking for what you think is better. You find someone who feeds your ego and tells you everything you so badly wanted to hear, and that person is let into your heart, while helping build a thicker wall against the one you once loved. Repentance and humility are not words you like anymore - they are words of attack. The people who lovingly offer you scriptural advice are now enemies because they refuse to play into your game. You convince yourself (or Satan helps convince you) that these people do not love you. They are the selfish ones, the wrong ones, the sinful ones. You feel free to drudge up the past that God has already forgiven them of and gotten them through to justify and make you feel better about your present. You loathe the people that know what you've done, but are happy to spill your version of what's happening to people who are unaware of it. It feels good to cry in a restaurant to a group of new friends about how victimized you are, rather than admit your own faults in what has happened. You lose all desire to be with the one you once happily married in the sight of God, and instead choose this other person who seems much more fun and exciting. Maybe it just started off with you being bored of the routine, but now you are acting as a child and assessing which will give you more instant gratification and personal enjoyment. You've forgotten that the greatest things God has to offer us come with a time of waiting, and often some suffering. We only know the sweetest things in life because we were willing to suffer through the hardships and bitterness and come out to the other side. We don't learn sweetness by running from life, or seeking another to fulfill a need. We don't grow in God by blaming others, but by asking Him to reveal what's wrong with our own motives and actions.

If you've seen the movie Fireproof, you probably know what I'm talking about. All these things are what the wife did, and it took the husband a long time to realize what he'd done (they were BOTH wrong in what they did) and he had to work VERY hard to rebuild their relationship. The wife got involved in an emotional affair, which is easy to do when you start looking at life the way she did. I've been reading The Love Dare, a book inspired by the movie, and I'm realizing a lot about how I need to treat my husband better and not think of myself as entitled to more than he is. I need to focus on MYSELF, not on fixing him. God will work on him, and I will pray for him, but my job is not to offer up to God a list of all of my husband's failures. I married a GOOD MAN and I am so proud of him. Anyway, as I read the book I'm reminded of how easy it is to slip into those thoughts... and that we must GUARD our marriage above all else, and keep our lives centered on Christ so that our focus remains where it needs to be. The things I said above describe how divorces happen, how affairs happen, and how families are literally torn apart. If you know me, you know how I feel about abortion... there is a form of abortion known as suction aspiration in which the baby is literally torn apart and forcefully ripped out of the mother's womb using suction. This breaks my heart, yet it's exactly the same way I feel for families going through divorce. A baby is half her mother's and half her father's... when divorces occur, it ravages the family and utterly destroys it, whether or not the parents involved in the divorce think it will have an effect. Saying a divorce doesn't hurt a family or affect the children is just as senseless as a pro-choice mother walking into a clinic and saying that aborting her baby has no effect on its life.

Anyway, just wanted to put that out there. Those of you who agree with divorce can hate me if you want, but I'm not just speaking my mind here. The Creator of the universe Himself hates divorce, so don't take it from me, take it from Him.

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