Tuesday, March 9, 2010

He Knew He Was Going To Die

Sunday, December 20, 2009 at 5:03pm

I keep thinking about a dream I had quite some time ago. I'm not sure why, but it's stuck in my head lately. Cam gave me a lot of insight about what it means, but I don't know yet what to do with it. If anyone else has an idea of what they think it might mean, let me know. I might take it or I might leave it, but at least you put it out there. :)

Here's the dream (I can't remember all of it, so bear with me):

I was putting in a resume to start acting (I want to be an actress one day) and dropped my resume off at a booth. When I was done, I ran into two of my friends (Courtney and Brittney). I talked to them about how much I was enjoying it and encouraged them to go put in resumes too. (I think one or both of them did, and I went with them.)

Then, I was upstairs in a hotel or something. Cam and I were waiting for the elevator and an elevator came up... but it was filled with lots of stuff. It was all dusty furniture, and there was a crib in there too. Everything was empty and dusty, and I was terrified. Cam kept urging me to take that elevator but I wouldn't get on it. It felt like someone had died and that was all their furniture... just left in that abandoned elevator. I waited for the next elevator (and so did Cam, although I think he was mad at me).

The next elevator came and there were two really rich looking guys in it. One of the men was very tall and imposing, and I could tell they were both wealthy because they were wearing extremely nice suits. :P There was a little boy (I think) in the elevator and the tall man asked me to watch him. He was playing with a huge gold brick, and I kept my eye on him because every time the elevator doors opened, it seemed like he wanted to wander off (I was also afraid of him getting stuck in the doors).

Before we got to the lobby, the man was acting strangely and handed us a card. I started to get that weird feeling again like something bad was going to happen, and in my head I was freaking out. He said a prayer with everyone in the elevator (I think the boy was gone by then) and while he prayed (and everyone's eyes were closed), I took out the card and read it as fast as I could. It said something like, "Thank you for what you did for my family. I was very grateful to you for that." There was just something about the way that it was written... and the way that he used past tense as if he didn't exist anymore. I was even more freaked out and just as the prayer ended, the elevator dinged and we were at the lobby. As soon as the doors opened, the man stepped out. I was hot on his trail because by then I was really wondering what was going on. I watched as he quickly and purposefully walked out of the hotel, turned right, and walked across the street. There was another hotel there, and as soon as he got to the double doors, he laid down on the ground, then died. The shorter guy who must have been his assistant called for people to help him, and all I remember saying before the dream ended, was: "He knew he was going to die... he knew he was going to die... I don't know how he knew it, but he just laid down and died... look at this card... he knew he was going to die..."

1 comment:

  1. I should probably write underneath the dream what my husband's insight was into the dream.

    During the time that I had the dream, Amber was one and I was seriously considering going into acting. I wanted to make more money than I was, and I've always enjoyed acting, so I thought a good solution would be to work on the Disney channel. (I'm a Christian and I figured that's one of the cleanest channels out there that's mainstream.) I met up with a very nice photographer about headshots and was really looking forward to acting. As I said... Amber was only one year old.

    Anyway, that was the setting for the time that I had the dream. I was praying for the Lord to show me what to do, but I really wanted Him to want me to do what I wanted, if that makes any sense at all.

    I told this dream to my husband, and he gave me a few different areas of interpretation (none of which either of us remember at this point) but the thing that struck me most was what the different elevators represented. The first elevator, with the dusty furniture, was the life I could have had (had I not chosen to become an actress in Hollywood). It was filled with dusty things: things that hadn't been used in so long that it felt like the person who owned them had died. The thing that stuck out to me the most, however, was the crib. That was the only thing that I specifically remembered. The crib was a symbol of the childhood I'd be missing: the fact that I couldn't watch my one-year-old grow up, and I'd hardly even know her, because I'd spent so much time away from her. Cam wanted me to go there. He wanted me to know my daughter and have time with her, but for whatever reason, I didn't want to do it. I waited for the next elevator, and Cam waited with me (because he's my husband and he loves me, he's willing to go where I go, even if I shouldn't be there... but he WILL be angry when he knows I'm not doing what I should be doing!). The next elevator was full of wealth, affluence, and recognition. Yet I can't help but notice that despite all of that, my real focus (as long as he was in there) was on the little boy. It's like I was craving a little one to care for. My nature hadn't changed, though my circumstances certainly had.

    Camron's interpretation changed my entire outlook. I started to realize that I would be missing important moments with my daughter; with my family. I'd be driving for miles just to get to work, working for hours on end and then driving a ton to get home. I hadn't really counted the cost. I thought I could have it all, but I discovered that I had to choose.

    I chose my family.

    (I wanted to make a side note here to clarify that though I had a dream that I was surrounded by wealth and luxury, I am well aware that there is no guarantee that I would have been "amazingly good" as an actress, or that I would have been successful at all. However, even if I hadn't been successful, if acting were what I really wanted to do and I set my mind to it, I would have wasted countless hours auditioning, training, conditioning myself to look, act, sing, or dance to get the part I desperately wanted. I would still have missed out on my daughter's childhood... and I may not have even given myself the opportunity to have another, as my life would be so hectic. My husband also warned me of how quickly I pick up on and "soak in like a sponge" the personalities and beliefs of those I'm around most. I would certainly rather be a Christian who believes 100% of God's Word and struggle financially than be well off, yet begin to compromise my beliefs and pursue the idols of wealth and popularity rather than God.